In Humour, Lyrics on
20 March 2009 tagged three dead trolls with no comments
Oh come back proud canadians
to before you had tv
no hockey night in canada
there was no cbc
(oh my god!)
in 1812 madison was mad
he was the president you know
well he thought he’d tell the british
where they ought to go
he though he’d invade canada
he thought that he was tough
instead we went to washington
and burned down all his stuff
and the whitehouse burned, burned, burned
and we’re the ones that did it
it burned, burned, burned
while the president ran and cried
it burned burned burned
and things where very historical
and the americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies, wah, wah, wah
in the war of 1812!
Now some hillbillies from Kentucky
dressed in green and red
left home to fight in Canada
but they returned home dead
Its only war the Yankees lost
except for Vietnam
and also the Alamo
right
and the Bay of… Ham
The loser was America
The winner was ourselves
So join right in and gloat about
The war of 1812
and the whitehouse burned, burned, burned
and we’re the ones that did it
it burned, burned, burned
while the president ran and cried
it burned burned burned
and things where very historical
and the americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies, wah, wah, wah
in the war of 1812!
In 1812 we where just sitting around
minding our own business
putting crops into the ground
we heard the soldiers comeing and we didn’t like that sound
so we took a boat to washington
and burned it to the ground
oh, we fired our guns
but the yankees kept on coming
there wasn’t quite as many as there was awhile ago
we fired once more and the yankees started running
down the missasipi
to the gulf of mexico..o..o..o
they ran though the snow
and they ran though the forest
they ran though the bushes where the beavers wouldn’t go
they ran so fast they forgot to take their culture
back to america…aa…aa
so if you go to washington
it’s bulidings, clean and nice
bring a pack of matches
and
we’ll
burn the whitehouse twice
and the whitehouse burned burned burned
and the americans won’t admit it
it burned burnedburned
burnedburnedburned
burnedburnedburned
I bet that payed them back
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged gloria gaynor with no comments
First I was afraid I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would’ve drunk a little less,
I would’ve tried to keep my head.
If I’d known for just one second you’d
Assault me in your bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you’ve been sitting on my legs and
I Can’t feel them anymore
And now you’re sitting on my face,
my nose has vanished – not a trace,
I only hope that you’re big knickers aren’t
Made of liquorice lace
I want to go, I’ve got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home
With such a slut.
God the things that you get up to
when you’re half cut.
Please let me go, I’m getting scared
There’s nothing I can do to stop those ugly
Breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what
Made me want to court her?
With tits that look like Tesco bags I’ve just
Filled up with water
It’s time to go, run out the door
She’s started hinting she wants sex on her
Dirty lino floor
I don’t think there’s anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
I WILL SURVIVE !
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged gloria gaynor with no comments
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly w*nker that was lying by my side.
I would’ve drunk a little less, I would’ve
Tried to keep my head,
If I’d know for just one second I’d be in
Your crusty bed…
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
I’ve fallen on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it’s just a broken-out disgrace,
But I’d rather look at that, than at your
F###ing ugly face…!
I want to go, I’ve got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes
Me want to heave.
I only know I’ve got to stop my drinking
Spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you
Looked just like Richard Gere!
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you’re
An ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate,
At least he’s got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I’m
Stuck with you, you twat.
It’s time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I’m going to give up all the booze, I’m going
To have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me
Want to be a nun!
I WILL SURVIVE!!
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged list of 10 with no comments
10. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
9. Is there a keg in your pants because I’d like to tap that @$$.
8. OK, I’m not the best looking one here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
7. You don’t look very good yet, but just let me drink a few more and I’ll love you.
6. Excuse me, I know I don’t know you but can we have sex now?
5. Why not?
4. You know those pants are nice, they’ll look even nicer on my bedroom floor.
3. Wait, don’t say anything, I’m having a fantasy.
2. Hi my name is ________, remember it because you’ll be screaming it all night.
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged list of 10 with no comments
10. But everybody looks funny naked!
9. Do you accept Visa?
8. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.
7. Try not to leave any stains, okay?
6. I want a baby!
5. When is this supposed to feel good?
4. Did I remember to take my pill?
3. You’re almost as good as my ex!(Or your sister).
2. You look younger than you feel.
1. You can cook too, right?
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged list of 10 with no comments
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn’t try to ruin your sex life.
8. Wars are not fought over beer.
7. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
6. When you have a beer, you don’t knock on other people’s doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of beer.
4. You don’t have to wait 2000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying beer labels can’t lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you become addicted to beer, there are groups to help you escape.
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged list of 10 with no comments
10. You can have a beer in public.
9. When you go to a bar you can always pick up a beer.
8. A beer won’t get upset when you come home with beer on your breath.
7. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
6. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
5. You always know you’re the first one to pop a beer.
4. You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
3. A beer is always wet.
2. A beer always goes down easy.
1. You can share a beer with your friends.
In Humour on
20 March 2009 tagged list of 10 with no comments
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. It’s OK when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you ARE someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you’ll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door.
3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. You can “do” the whole neighborhood!!!
In Humour on
20 March 2009 with no comments
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows XP:
1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
10) This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
11) To “shut down” your system, type “WIN.”
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
22) Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
23) If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
24) Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word.
“Word has detected that you don’t wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses. Would you like to save your old outdated ascii file as a Word file anyway?”
25) Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. Capacity now at 40% of 20GB (Just Windows)
In Humour on
20 March 2009 with no comments
Dear Technical Support:
I’m currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I’m embarrassed to say I can’t find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1 .0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn’t have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right – as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1. .0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but Girl Friend 4.0 has a feature I didn’t know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can’t understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
And I’ve never liked how Girl Friend is totally “object-oriented.” A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1 .0 expires within a year if you don’t upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can’t load anything else.
One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. Well, it turns cut the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherlnLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can’t turn off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won’t install anyway because of insufficient resources.
